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halfamoonTitle: Regrets
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Emma/Tony
Rating: R/M
Summary: The world around her may think her a success, but Emma Frost knows better.
Word Count: 1,394
Written For: HalfAMoon 2025: Day 8. Success
Date Written: 5 February 2025
Warnings: Spoilers, Cannon Character Death
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She had sworn once that she would never marry. She had had to use sex, her body, and every bit of womanly and mutant wiles just to survive when she had been a child, considerably younger than the children she is currently training. She had literally clawed other girls her age, younger, and older to death with her own fingernails, a blood that, no matter how many times she cleans her hands, will never truly be gone. She had once convinced herself did not regret her childhood. She still does not regret that she did do the awful deeds, but she does regret that life had given her no other way. Choices like the hard ones she had made then, in her so very early formative years, are exactly why she knows these kids need her.
She has done a good many things she has come to regret, broken a good many promises both to herself and to others. There are women, men too, who pride themselves on keeping their word. She would like to be able to be one of their honorable number, but she knows better. Promises cannot be believed, and for the most part, they cannot be kept. Which, in truth, is another reason why marriage never works these days.
Yet it almost did for her. She did marry, and not too long ago. She's broken every one of the promises she once made to herself, except her vow to survive. She married to survive in a time when her mutant genes yet again painted a target on her head, despite all her work growing up and all the sacrifices she's made to build a fortune that should have been able to always protect her. There are many mutants, and others, who think they were wrong to build Krakoa, to make it into such a fortress that humanity would stop at nothing to destroy it. There are many amongst the X-Men themselves who now regret the paradise they had made. Emma does not regret it, nor does she regret the sacrifices she made to build it, or to protect herself and her people following its downfall.
She does regret that they were necessary. She does regret that Krakoa failed and surely that so much mutant blood was again spilled in its destruction. She wishes there had been other ways, other, better options, but as always, there had not been. As always, she had done everything she could to survive, and to make sure those select few she was able to save also survived. Many think she lost track of her people, of her true cause, in marrying Tony Starke, but little will they ever realize everything she again sacrificed to make sure her people survived.
And everything she sacrifices daily to make sure they continue to do so. "Miss Frost?"
"Miss Frost?"
"Emma?"
The children's voices are distant currently, as she stares at Katheryne's boombox. Her ex-husband is trouble again. His team's lives hang in the balance while the mutant lives she has always preferred are beginning to secretly, subtly, slowly thrive once more. The X-Men are forming again with teams beginning again to shape formation for mutantkind in both the North and the South. More have survived than the humans know, than even the X-Men themselves know yet. More survived, and yet... every day still more are dying.
For all the good Krakoa did, it seems to have nearly destroyed mutantkind in the end. Katheryne hates what became of Krakoa; she blames their island haven for her own destruction, too naive still to yet understand the differences in the choices that must be made, the choices one claims are made for them, and the choices that, in truth, no matter how hard are the better ones in the end. The only ones really that can be made.
Emma slowly forces down the lump that's risen in her throat. She lowers her coffee cup, wishing suddenly that she had spiked it today as she sometimes does when the memories threaten to be too much. She is trying very hard to set a better example for these children, though. These children who she can suddenly hear calling her name again. She blinks just as the radio shuts off.
"Sorry." Katheryne's apologizing again. When will the child learn she has nothing for which to apologize? She did what was best, the only things she could do in a dark time of need to ensure their people's survival.
But Emma blinks and turns to her slowly. The children's thoughts are loud, rushing over her. She does not want to listen, but she cannot help hearing them in this moment. They are rightfully confused. Her blue lips twitch, almost smiling, as she hears them wondering what is wrong with her and running more than a dozen guesses in a span of only a few heartbeats. They will never know the truth. No one must know, including Tony. She did what was right. She did what she had to.
"Never think that," she says suddenly, more sharply than intended, spinning to look down at Bronze.
Even in her armored form, she can tell when the child blushes. She finds herself almost ready to apologize at the embarrassment and hurt that pass through the child's lovely eyes. But Emma Frost does not apologize. She is too strong for that, and her facade must always be kept in check. No one in the world must know how vulnerable she is, no matter the cost. She must keep her facade, keep her protection, keep her disguise and her strengths, so that no one around her, especially these precious children, is ever hurt again.
"In time, Bronze, you will learn that I am not as successful as you think."
"But -- But -- "
"Return to your studies." She turns back to Axo and Melee, immediately falling back into teacher mode.
She hears Kitty's whisper in her mind, I'm sorry. I didn't know --
It's cute you think I'm concerned, Katheryne. She laughs mentally, hoping Katheryne no longer knows her well enough to see through her layers of protection. Deep inside, she knows the truth, but she also knows, despite their differences, the girl has learned to respect her enough not to call her out, just as she has learned to never admit to her how much she still needs to grow. Anthony served his purpose.
He did, and they did well. They worked together well for the betterment of both their peoples. She does not regret having married him, but their union, short-lived as it was, taught her many things. She is still learning, even at this age, and suddenly she wonders how much she has yet to learn. She judges Katheryne on a nightly basis for still not being wiser or more discerning. How much more does she herself need to learn?
However much it may be, it will never again come beside Anthony, or any other man, she swears. Marriage does not make a woman successful, especially in this age when they move from one battle to another and war never ceases. The need to fight and protect oneself just to survive never ceases. She may be successful, far more than these children will ever be, but she is far from being the successful woman she'd thought she'd be by now and had struggled to become since she'd been many younger than any of them. She is not as successful for she still has weaknesses.
She still loves. She still cares, and what is more and worse by far, is she still cares about humans. Her heart aches for one human man in particular. She does not regret marrying Tony Starke, for many more reasons than the reason for which she first agreed to wed him, that being the survival of her people. She does not regret ending the marriage for it had to be done. She had come home to her people, to fighting her war for the betterment of mutant children, so there is never again another little girl, or boy, who is forced to suffer as she did. She does not even truthfully regret hurting so much or loving him as much as she has come to. She only regrets things could not be different, but then, they never are.
The End
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Emma/Tony
Rating: R/M
Summary: The world around her may think her a success, but Emma Frost knows better.
Word Count: 1,394
Written For: HalfAMoon 2025: Day 8. Success
Date Written: 5 February 2025
Warnings: Spoilers, Cannon Character Death
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She had sworn once that she would never marry. She had had to use sex, her body, and every bit of womanly and mutant wiles just to survive when she had been a child, considerably younger than the children she is currently training. She had literally clawed other girls her age, younger, and older to death with her own fingernails, a blood that, no matter how many times she cleans her hands, will never truly be gone. She had once convinced herself did not regret her childhood. She still does not regret that she did do the awful deeds, but she does regret that life had given her no other way. Choices like the hard ones she had made then, in her so very early formative years, are exactly why she knows these kids need her.
She has done a good many things she has come to regret, broken a good many promises both to herself and to others. There are women, men too, who pride themselves on keeping their word. She would like to be able to be one of their honorable number, but she knows better. Promises cannot be believed, and for the most part, they cannot be kept. Which, in truth, is another reason why marriage never works these days.
Yet it almost did for her. She did marry, and not too long ago. She's broken every one of the promises she once made to herself, except her vow to survive. She married to survive in a time when her mutant genes yet again painted a target on her head, despite all her work growing up and all the sacrifices she's made to build a fortune that should have been able to always protect her. There are many mutants, and others, who think they were wrong to build Krakoa, to make it into such a fortress that humanity would stop at nothing to destroy it. There are many amongst the X-Men themselves who now regret the paradise they had made. Emma does not regret it, nor does she regret the sacrifices she made to build it, or to protect herself and her people following its downfall.
She does regret that they were necessary. She does regret that Krakoa failed and surely that so much mutant blood was again spilled in its destruction. She wishes there had been other ways, other, better options, but as always, there had not been. As always, she had done everything she could to survive, and to make sure those select few she was able to save also survived. Many think she lost track of her people, of her true cause, in marrying Tony Starke, but little will they ever realize everything she again sacrificed to make sure her people survived.
And everything she sacrifices daily to make sure they continue to do so. "Miss Frost?"
"Miss Frost?"
"Emma?"
The children's voices are distant currently, as she stares at Katheryne's boombox. Her ex-husband is trouble again. His team's lives hang in the balance while the mutant lives she has always preferred are beginning to secretly, subtly, slowly thrive once more. The X-Men are forming again with teams beginning again to shape formation for mutantkind in both the North and the South. More have survived than the humans know, than even the X-Men themselves know yet. More survived, and yet... every day still more are dying.
For all the good Krakoa did, it seems to have nearly destroyed mutantkind in the end. Katheryne hates what became of Krakoa; she blames their island haven for her own destruction, too naive still to yet understand the differences in the choices that must be made, the choices one claims are made for them, and the choices that, in truth, no matter how hard are the better ones in the end. The only ones really that can be made.
Emma slowly forces down the lump that's risen in her throat. She lowers her coffee cup, wishing suddenly that she had spiked it today as she sometimes does when the memories threaten to be too much. She is trying very hard to set a better example for these children, though. These children who she can suddenly hear calling her name again. She blinks just as the radio shuts off.
"Sorry." Katheryne's apologizing again. When will the child learn she has nothing for which to apologize? She did what was best, the only things she could do in a dark time of need to ensure their people's survival.
But Emma blinks and turns to her slowly. The children's thoughts are loud, rushing over her. She does not want to listen, but she cannot help hearing them in this moment. They are rightfully confused. Her blue lips twitch, almost smiling, as she hears them wondering what is wrong with her and running more than a dozen guesses in a span of only a few heartbeats. They will never know the truth. No one must know, including Tony. She did what was right. She did what she had to.
"Never think that," she says suddenly, more sharply than intended, spinning to look down at Bronze.
Even in her armored form, she can tell when the child blushes. She finds herself almost ready to apologize at the embarrassment and hurt that pass through the child's lovely eyes. But Emma Frost does not apologize. She is too strong for that, and her facade must always be kept in check. No one in the world must know how vulnerable she is, no matter the cost. She must keep her facade, keep her protection, keep her disguise and her strengths, so that no one around her, especially these precious children, is ever hurt again.
"In time, Bronze, you will learn that I am not as successful as you think."
"But -- But -- "
"Return to your studies." She turns back to Axo and Melee, immediately falling back into teacher mode.
She hears Kitty's whisper in her mind, I'm sorry. I didn't know --
It's cute you think I'm concerned, Katheryne. She laughs mentally, hoping Katheryne no longer knows her well enough to see through her layers of protection. Deep inside, she knows the truth, but she also knows, despite their differences, the girl has learned to respect her enough not to call her out, just as she has learned to never admit to her how much she still needs to grow. Anthony served his purpose.
He did, and they did well. They worked together well for the betterment of both their peoples. She does not regret having married him, but their union, short-lived as it was, taught her many things. She is still learning, even at this age, and suddenly she wonders how much she has yet to learn. She judges Katheryne on a nightly basis for still not being wiser or more discerning. How much more does she herself need to learn?
However much it may be, it will never again come beside Anthony, or any other man, she swears. Marriage does not make a woman successful, especially in this age when they move from one battle to another and war never ceases. The need to fight and protect oneself just to survive never ceases. She may be successful, far more than these children will ever be, but she is far from being the successful woman she'd thought she'd be by now and had struggled to become since she'd been many younger than any of them. She is not as successful for she still has weaknesses.
She still loves. She still cares, and what is more and worse by far, is she still cares about humans. Her heart aches for one human man in particular. She does not regret marrying Tony Starke, for many more reasons than the reason for which she first agreed to wed him, that being the survival of her people. She does not regret ending the marriage for it had to be done. She had come home to her people, to fighting her war for the betterment of mutant children, so there is never again another little girl, or boy, who is forced to suffer as she did. She does not even truthfully regret hurting so much or loving him as much as she has come to. She only regrets things could not be different, but then, they never are.
The End
no subject
Date: 2025-02-20 12:18 am (UTC)