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halfamoonTitle: Writhing, Tortured Soul
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Rachel/Kitty, Brian/Meggan
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: All one can do is watch, and the other will never know.
Word Count: 1427
Written For: Half A Moon Day 3: Time and Space
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She can still hear them; she can still hear their laughter, their cries, and their screams as they endure pain and even death. She can still see them, beyond the veil, beyond the swirling strands of time. She catches glimpses of them every day, and each one tears at her heart. She seemed to scream for an eternity when she first returned to this place, but they never heard her and eventually her throat grew so hoarse that even though her screams continued, they could not be heard. They can not hear her, see her, or feel her, but she does them.
It seems like they are just beyond her reach, just outside of her stretching fingertips no matter how far she stretches, how far she reaches, how far she bends and contorts her body. She leans and stretches and pulls and pushes. She does all she can to reach them, but always, always, they stay just beyond her reach. They are growing old as she stays caught in this place. Her parents are greying, and her lover is dying.
But not her love. It doesn't matter how long it takes her to break this prison yet again, she will never, ever stop loving Kitty Pryde. That girl means the world to her, and she has reached her in ways no other ever has or can. And although Rachel cannot touch her now, her love for her has not diminished by even a little bit. She can see her kissing other men and women, marrying men, going through the motions of a life lived by one who deserves to love and be loved but yet cannot find the other part of her soul. She knows who she is, she knows where she is, but she cannot reach her any more than Rachel can reach her.
What hurts is that she's stopped trying, but even for Kitty, it must seem impossible. Besides that, Rachel knows, Kitty doesn't realize just how terrible a situation she is in, or how close she lingers. She thinks she's gone back to her time, or another time. She thinks she, too, is living a life she does not want with a person she does not choose by choice but rather by necessity. She thinks it is impossible for them to be together.
And Rachel cries. And screams. And cries some more. Every time she sees Kitty with another person, every time she presses her lips to another mouth that is unworthy of her, a mouth Rachel has watched spew lies, she screams again. She fights harder. She bends the strands of time around her, but that is all they do. They bend. They flicker. They merge. And they keep, always, keep on streaming. And Rachel keeps on screaming.
It is an endless torture, she knows, and in this place, she cannot even die. There can be no freedom for her, no release, nor even recovery. There is only pain, and sorrow, and heartache over and over again. There is no reprieve, and there never will be. The Phoenix is powerful. She is far beyond the power anyone on Earth can glimpse. But she is not all powerful. Only God is, and this trap is His sick, twisted joke.
Rachel often wondered why Kurt loved Him so much, but she doesn't think about that much anymore. She can't, not images of Pryde past, present, and future flickering all around her. She sees her here in a man's arms, beside her in the arms of a woman who is not her. Over there she rules a planet beside Storm while beneath her she cringes at Emma's feet. The Kitty on her left is a warrior even more ferocious than Logan, having surrendered to the dark side Ogun taught her but still trying to wield it for good, and somewhere on her right is a Kitty who never knew the X-Men but became a top super secret weapon, not agent, for the government. Kitty cries as a baby in one corner while in another she dies as an old woman holding on to the hands of the grandchildren left to her by her children with Piotr.
Rachel screams. She can see all Kitty's lives, and in a few, she is with her. She watches figures that look just like her be called by her name as they are embraced by her love. She watches them raise children together, fight together, wed, cry, make love, and make so many other things. But none of them are truly her. She is trapped here, trapped and left behind to wither, scream, be tortured, but never die.
If Kitty knew she was here, she would come. If she had any inkling she was still trapped, she would stop at nothing to bring her back to her. She would take her from time itself. The woman Rachel watches in these fiery streams of light and time is capable of doing just that.
But she doesn't know and Rachel has no way of telling her. All she can do is watch her from afar, watch as friends become enemies and attack from behind, watch as husbands go on murderous warpaths and slaughter her best, dearest, and most treasured friend, watch as that friend takes her final breaths over and over again. She can watch, and she can scream. She can try to fight. But she can make no real difference. She cannot save her in any of these worlds any more than she can save herself from this time stream.
There is one who knows the difference, one who peeks in at her from time to time, one whose wise eyes she can feel watching her now. Rachel screams at her, yells at her with thunderous rage, threatens her. If she ever breaks free, she will be so glad to feel Meggan's Fae blood pumping through her fingers. But she won't kill her. She can't. She's still one of Kitty's oldest friends.
And besides that, as much as she can hate her for knowing she is here and not doing anything to stop it, Rachel cannot kill her for it. She cannot hold her to blame for it, or for her own mistakes. She stole her fiancé after all. She stole the man she loved to put him here, trap him here in her place, because it was the only way, she knew, that she could escape. Someone has to suffer these tunnels of time. Someone who has to be here, has to be trapped here, has to give up all they know and love and suffer the insane torment that witnessing all times at once brings.
Meggan knew Brian was here, and she found a way to break through the time stream just long enough to free her love and give Rachel back to it. Kitty would do the same, Rachel knows, if she only knew she was here, but she doesn't. She doesn't, and there's no way for Rachel to tell her or reach her in any way. She cannot tell her she is trapped. She cannot beg her to rescue her. She cannot tell her how much she loves her, always has, and always will. She can scream and scream and scream, each time every time until her throat is completely hoarse, but she cannot be heard.
Only one hears her. Rachel screams her name instead, but Meggan just pulls away. She pulls away, flies away, looks away with tears in her eyes, knowing that the other woman may deserve her life but cannot be rescued to have it. The one person who can hear her pulls away as Kitty wakes, in more than one world, from what she thinks is night terrors.
Rachel's shaking and would drop to her knees, but she cannot. The space in this time is so very slim that she can only stand and just barely that. She can stand, and she can cry. She can whimper, and she can scream. But she cannot be heard. She cannot be freed. And though she loves, Kitty will never know that love nor ever guess the depths of it even if does know Rachel loved her before she was taken from her yet again. She will never know, and so she goes on with her life, while Rachel goes on screaming, watching from afar, and being tortured every day by the sights of the cherished woman she loves beyond all else who will never know that she means the world to this one writhing, tortured soul.
The End
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Rachel/Kitty, Brian/Meggan
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: All one can do is watch, and the other will never know.
Word Count: 1427
Written For: Half A Moon Day 3: Time and Space
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She can still hear them; she can still hear their laughter, their cries, and their screams as they endure pain and even death. She can still see them, beyond the veil, beyond the swirling strands of time. She catches glimpses of them every day, and each one tears at her heart. She seemed to scream for an eternity when she first returned to this place, but they never heard her and eventually her throat grew so hoarse that even though her screams continued, they could not be heard. They can not hear her, see her, or feel her, but she does them.
It seems like they are just beyond her reach, just outside of her stretching fingertips no matter how far she stretches, how far she reaches, how far she bends and contorts her body. She leans and stretches and pulls and pushes. She does all she can to reach them, but always, always, they stay just beyond her reach. They are growing old as she stays caught in this place. Her parents are greying, and her lover is dying.
But not her love. It doesn't matter how long it takes her to break this prison yet again, she will never, ever stop loving Kitty Pryde. That girl means the world to her, and she has reached her in ways no other ever has or can. And although Rachel cannot touch her now, her love for her has not diminished by even a little bit. She can see her kissing other men and women, marrying men, going through the motions of a life lived by one who deserves to love and be loved but yet cannot find the other part of her soul. She knows who she is, she knows where she is, but she cannot reach her any more than Rachel can reach her.
What hurts is that she's stopped trying, but even for Kitty, it must seem impossible. Besides that, Rachel knows, Kitty doesn't realize just how terrible a situation she is in, or how close she lingers. She thinks she's gone back to her time, or another time. She thinks she, too, is living a life she does not want with a person she does not choose by choice but rather by necessity. She thinks it is impossible for them to be together.
And Rachel cries. And screams. And cries some more. Every time she sees Kitty with another person, every time she presses her lips to another mouth that is unworthy of her, a mouth Rachel has watched spew lies, she screams again. She fights harder. She bends the strands of time around her, but that is all they do. They bend. They flicker. They merge. And they keep, always, keep on streaming. And Rachel keeps on screaming.
It is an endless torture, she knows, and in this place, she cannot even die. There can be no freedom for her, no release, nor even recovery. There is only pain, and sorrow, and heartache over and over again. There is no reprieve, and there never will be. The Phoenix is powerful. She is far beyond the power anyone on Earth can glimpse. But she is not all powerful. Only God is, and this trap is His sick, twisted joke.
Rachel often wondered why Kurt loved Him so much, but she doesn't think about that much anymore. She can't, not images of Pryde past, present, and future flickering all around her. She sees her here in a man's arms, beside her in the arms of a woman who is not her. Over there she rules a planet beside Storm while beneath her she cringes at Emma's feet. The Kitty on her left is a warrior even more ferocious than Logan, having surrendered to the dark side Ogun taught her but still trying to wield it for good, and somewhere on her right is a Kitty who never knew the X-Men but became a top super secret weapon, not agent, for the government. Kitty cries as a baby in one corner while in another she dies as an old woman holding on to the hands of the grandchildren left to her by her children with Piotr.
Rachel screams. She can see all Kitty's lives, and in a few, she is with her. She watches figures that look just like her be called by her name as they are embraced by her love. She watches them raise children together, fight together, wed, cry, make love, and make so many other things. But none of them are truly her. She is trapped here, trapped and left behind to wither, scream, be tortured, but never die.
If Kitty knew she was here, she would come. If she had any inkling she was still trapped, she would stop at nothing to bring her back to her. She would take her from time itself. The woman Rachel watches in these fiery streams of light and time is capable of doing just that.
But she doesn't know and Rachel has no way of telling her. All she can do is watch her from afar, watch as friends become enemies and attack from behind, watch as husbands go on murderous warpaths and slaughter her best, dearest, and most treasured friend, watch as that friend takes her final breaths over and over again. She can watch, and she can scream. She can try to fight. But she can make no real difference. She cannot save her in any of these worlds any more than she can save herself from this time stream.
There is one who knows the difference, one who peeks in at her from time to time, one whose wise eyes she can feel watching her now. Rachel screams at her, yells at her with thunderous rage, threatens her. If she ever breaks free, she will be so glad to feel Meggan's Fae blood pumping through her fingers. But she won't kill her. She can't. She's still one of Kitty's oldest friends.
And besides that, as much as she can hate her for knowing she is here and not doing anything to stop it, Rachel cannot kill her for it. She cannot hold her to blame for it, or for her own mistakes. She stole her fiancé after all. She stole the man she loved to put him here, trap him here in her place, because it was the only way, she knew, that she could escape. Someone has to suffer these tunnels of time. Someone who has to be here, has to be trapped here, has to give up all they know and love and suffer the insane torment that witnessing all times at once brings.
Meggan knew Brian was here, and she found a way to break through the time stream just long enough to free her love and give Rachel back to it. Kitty would do the same, Rachel knows, if she only knew she was here, but she doesn't. She doesn't, and there's no way for Rachel to tell her or reach her in any way. She cannot tell her she is trapped. She cannot beg her to rescue her. She cannot tell her how much she loves her, always has, and always will. She can scream and scream and scream, each time every time until her throat is completely hoarse, but she cannot be heard.
Only one hears her. Rachel screams her name instead, but Meggan just pulls away. She pulls away, flies away, looks away with tears in her eyes, knowing that the other woman may deserve her life but cannot be rescued to have it. The one person who can hear her pulls away as Kitty wakes, in more than one world, from what she thinks is night terrors.
Rachel's shaking and would drop to her knees, but she cannot. The space in this time is so very slim that she can only stand and just barely that. She can stand, and she can cry. She can whimper, and she can scream. But she cannot be heard. She cannot be freed. And though she loves, Kitty will never know that love nor ever guess the depths of it even if does know Rachel loved her before she was taken from her yet again. She will never know, and so she goes on with her life, while Rachel goes on screaming, watching from afar, and being tortured every day by the sights of the cherished woman she loves beyond all else who will never know that she means the world to this one writhing, tortured soul.
The End
